My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
