I want a grilled cheese and an IV
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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