At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
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