PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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