the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
