Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Banned from zoo.
Again?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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