You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
