Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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