Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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