I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
