a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Randomize
