She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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