The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
