idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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