Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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