I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
