her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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