I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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