I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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