Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
