also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize