She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
