Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
