Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
