Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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