Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Randomize
