when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize