When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Randomize
