There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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