hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize