with your own penis?
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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