I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
