If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize