Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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