im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
