so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
