there was a trapeze. enough said
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
