My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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