It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
