you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
