Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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