I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize