Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
