is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
