Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
