she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
