i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
