pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
So vagazzling was a success
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
