Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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