I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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