Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I love having hate sex.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
