we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
