I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize