She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
