he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
