I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
