I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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