even my farts smell like vagina
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
