my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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