I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
