Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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