Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
