someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
