me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
