The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
