Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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